okay so things for me haven't really gotten better. if anything they've gotten worse. but i'm SICK OF IT!! so i'm going to try and lock in as best as i can.

school starts late august for me and i don't want to have to drop out again. i really want to be able to succeed in life. while a major factor is my mental health there's other aspects i want to improve on..! so here's what "locking in" looks like for me:

  • being honest to psychiatrist about things, get meds adjusted
  • if meds don't help, look into TMS
  • daily walks/going outside
  • eating healthier
  • practicing art again, studying it to improve
  • force myself to do things (ie. finish craft projects, engage in potential interests, clean my room)
  • oh and probably schedule to see my therapist more often

basically i had an epiphany that i have no interests anymore. i've lost all passion for things. basically all i do nowadays is work and sleep and occasionally hang out with people T_T

this loss of passion was around the time i started getting medicated, but at that same time my mental health was pretty bad, so it's like i don't know what the cause is. i need my meds adjusted either way, but hopefully i can bring this up to my psychiatrist and see if there's anything to be done. i'm on 4 meds though so i think there's a high likelyhood of one of them tanking my drive...

besides that there's some other factors of my life i want to improve on. getting better eating habits is one- i overeat a lot. i also need to research into veganism. i want to go vegan, or at least lessen my meat/animal product intake, but i really just need to look into easy alternatives. Anyways, the point is i'm unhappy where i'm at right now. i know bmi is bullshit but i'm technically right at the cusp of obese. and i'm pretty unhappy with it. but it's whatever !!! it's time to lock in!!

i also really!! want to get better at art! and change my artstyle! but i barely study anything, or practice anything, so my art stays sooooo stagnant. so nows the time, especially as i go into college for graphic design. and i need to workout my creative muscles so i get used to making art again!

i don't know what the point of publishing this page is lowkey. like why do you need to know all of this. it's easier for me to get my thoughts out physically somehow and helps me get out of my own head, but i could totally just keep this to myself! i guess i just want some sense of connection, of talking to someone. human nature i guess....

but thank you for reading this far if you have :)